Before things get to DEFCON 1  (I loved the movie, Wargames- anyone else?)

     Typically, the person did present themselves and you just know you’re going to lose your shit on them.  If this does happen, skip right along to number two – Pronto!  Otherwise, in those scenarios where the irritant starts out camouflaged, recognize the signs of frustration, anger and anxiety.  These can range from tightening in the chest, blood flow to face, and/or an all over frazzled feeling.  For me I get a dry mouth, flushed face and my jaw tightens.  Here are some more examples of physical reactions to stress people commonly experience:

     I found counting UP to 10 didn’t do much for me, especially once I learned “1, 2, skip a few, 10!”  Counting, DOWN, as if descending each level, works if you force your body to relax with each step.

            10)  relax your jaw by slightly opening your mouth

              9)   push your shoulders downward

              8)  relax your tummy

              7)  unclench anything and everything

              6) slouch (Miss Manners would always prefer bad posture to bad temper tantrum even if truly warranted.)

              5) create a quick image of the happy place you’ll be 10 minutes after this frustrating encounter.

              4) squeeze your hands together (I mean, really, squeeze – as if you’re holding on to a cliff) and then release

              3) wiggle your toes.  Can’t? Then scrunch them up and release .

              2) release a quick, audible sigh

              1) SMILE! Yep. I totally understand why you may not feel like it, but smiling releases endorphins…those delightful chemicals reducing our pain.

     Remember when we were told to visualize the audience in underwear?

     Applicable here too! May even get you smiling.

     May not work, too.  For me, I’d scrunch my face envisioning a G-string and only heighten the tension, but when you feel like this, anything is worth a try!

     Switching the visual helped.  Instead of thinking of your foe in underwear, think of them as a baby.  How can anyone stay mad when oogling a precious cherub?

     If you can’t visualize that person as an adorable baby, you must look away.  Immediately.  Find anything else to give your concentration.  Distract your irritation with a lovely nature photo or plant.  If you have a choice, go with Mother Nature.  Green foliage, inside or out the window, is perfect for reducing stress.

     Take a deep breath through your nose, like you are preparing to exhale a fire blast. Hold for 2 counts and s-l-o-w-l-y exhale out of your open mouth while saying, “ohhhhh.” Do this while nodding your head, as if you are genuinely understanding their miscommunication.  This is the only time passive aggression is acceptable.  Having bad breath may be directed at your assailant. (What Miss Manners doesn’t know won’t kill her, this is your battle after all!)

     Pop a piece of gum in your mouth.  The action of chewing distracts your clever insults and reduces cortisol (the cranky stress hormone.)

     Take your thoughts through the inventory of your blessings.  You have so many wonderful things in your life.  Recall them.  No matter what, you will eventually be able to leave the presence of the jerk and be on your merry way.

     As you leave the clash, be sure to also leave your frustration and stress.  This event was a blur on your movie screen of life.  Keep this solo freeze frame frozen out of your fabulous day. (Try saying that 5 times fast.  “Freeze frame frozen!”)

     You are in control of your mood, your thoughts and your words.  How much you allow any situation to influence your day is your choice…Is the current conflict worth how you’re feeling emotionally and physically? Or are you giving an unworthy opponent far too much power? You are a magnificent star meant to shine with beauty and kindness.  Keep your thoughts on marvelous You and you will be able to allow stress to roll off  and away from you – no matter the perpetrator. And, be confident! You have your tricks if needed!

 XOXO,